


AbraCOWdabra!

by MadDramaQueen



Series: Adventures in the SortaMalicious MadHouse [10]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: FreeEdgar2016, and Edgar, based on Ryan's twitch community, edgar is the one in the hole
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-25
Updated: 2016-07-25
Packaged: 2018-07-26 15:31:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7579501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadDramaQueen/pseuds/MadDramaQueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's magic in the MadHouse!<br/>And it has turned Ryan into a cow!<br/>The trapper is now the trap-ee. <br/>Welp. This isn't good...</p>
            </blockquote>





	AbraCOWdabra!

There's magic in the air today in the MadHouse. And not just the regular, oh-so mysterious (but awesome) Mad King magic, but magic from books and mixing strange ingredients. Hocus pocus, witch-type magic. I should know. I have the name of a witch; Tabitha. Watch 'Bewitched,' people.

I was walking through the Vagabond hall until I heard a 'POOF!' and a 'ribbit' coming from Azriella's room. She's the resident witch here in the MadHouse, and always knows the right spells for any problem. Well, for a price: yummy snacks. I've lost so many Cool Ranch Doritos, but getting my own Just Dance studio in the house was worth it. 

I knocked on the door and slowly opened it, only to see a little frog hopping out. "Whoops!"

"Oh, no! Come back here! Come back, friend! My little froggy, come back! Ugh...I can't win with these spells." Azriella sighed as she ran to the door to see the frog hopping away. "I'm kinda glad that wasn't a real person. I was actually trying to make a dragon appear so Ryan can ride on it and I could draw a picture for him. Maybe have the dragon breathe fire for a bit. Go a little crazy. Fun times." She chuckled. 

A dragon at the MadHouse? Yeah, that wouldn't end in complete disaster...

I chuckled. "I have to admit, I wouldn't mind seeing that, but let's not get Jess near a fire-breathing dragon. Or King for that matter." I shuddered at the thought. 

Azriella went back in her room as I followed and sat on her bed. She had so many magical looking things lying around that I didn't want to mess anything up. Granted, I was curious. But, curiosity turned the TabiKat into a TabiDog. Can't have that happening. 

"So, what have you been up to?" I asked her, as she threw some ingredients into a cauldron. 

"I'm waiting for Joe and Omega to show up. I promised to teach them some magic today." 

"I don't think they need to know any magic. Joe is already a ninja monkey, and Omega? He's becoming quite the prankster, so that's probably not a-"

"Hello! The fun has arrived!" a voice announced. I turned and saw Joe strolling in the room like he was gonna master every trick thrown at him. I rolled my eyes and chuckled. This was going to be interesting. 

"Hey, Joe! Are you ready to go? Um, where is Omega?" Azriella looked around, but he was nowhere to be seen.

"He's on his way. He was chatting with Ryan, so I think Ryan is gonna stop by to watch." Joe shrugged. 

"W-What?? Oh, I hope this goes well. I'm actually kinda nervous now. He's never seen my magic before." Azriella blushed and started turning invisible. 

"Azi! Hey! Come back! It's fine. He's going to love it." I tried to cheer her up. She slowly started to reappear and sighed. 

"Tabby, can you stay here with me? It would help." Azriella asked me. I nodded. 

"Sure! I'd love to watch this. And I should probably keep an eye on this troublemaker over here." I gesture towards Joe who has already started climbing on the walls. 

"Aw, come on! I'm not gonna cause trouble...yet." Joe lands on her bed and starts to jump on it. "1 little Ninja Monkey jumping on the bed~"

"Damn it, Joe! Stop jumping on my bed!" Azriella exclaimed as I got kicked off the bed by Joe's monkey feet. Joe always seems to hurt me whenever we're in the same room. 

"What? It's fun!" Joe did a flip and accidentally landed on the edges of the cauldron which started to shake back and forth.

"Oh, come on! Be careful, Joe! If it spills, then we're in trouble. The potion isn't done!" Azriella and I held opposite sides on the cauldron to stop it from swinging. Eventually, it stopped and Azriella groaned and rubbed her temples. "This wasn't a good idea..."

Joe chuckled and finally sat down. "Okay, okay. I'll be nice." 

I could hear some voices get louder as they got closer to the room. I peeked out the door to see Ryan and Omega talking to each other. They seemed to be having a nice conversation. I love how friendly Ryan is to the members of the MadHouse. You almost forget the crazy side to him. Almost. 

"Well, hello, everyone. I'm here for this amazing magic lesson I've heard so much about. Azriella, is it? The MadHouse witch. We could always use some abracadack- er, abracladam- why can't I-? Uh, those nonsense magic words. We need more of those!" Ryan gestured wildly and flubbed as the rest of us giggled. 

"Hello, Ryan! It's an honor to have you sit in and watch this." Azriella shook his hand.

"Hey! What about me?" Omega asked, pouting playfully. I chuckled and shoved him. 

"Yeah, yeah. It's good see you, too."

Joe grabbed a can of Diet Coke from Azi's mini-fridge and shook it up a bit. Unfortunately, Ryan didn't see this. "Hey, Ryan. Why don't you have a drink while you watch the show?" 

Ryan smiled and accepted the favored drink of the MadHouse. "Why, thank you, Joe. What a thoughtful ninja monkey you are." As he opened it, the drink fizzed and spilled out. Some flying in Ryan's face, spilling on the floor and drops of it landing in the cauldron. 

"Nooo!! What have you done, Joe?! My potion is ruined now!" Azriella looked in the cauldron and saw it turn a peculiar shade of pink. With some patches of brown scattered around it. Strange potion.

Joe shrugged. "Diet Coke is more powerful than I thought." 

The MadHouse witch wiggled her fingers at him and muttered an incantation. Joe was suddenly sitting in a chair, all tied up. 

"Hey! You can do this! I'm supposed to learn from you! The hell you'd tie me up for?!" Joe exclaimed, trying to wiggle free.

"Because you've already caused trouble, and now I have to start all over again!" Azriella huffed, using her magic to levitate the cauldron over to the sink. 

"What was the potion even for?" Omega asked, trying to get his partner-in-crime out of magical bondage.

"It was to make someone's skin turn green like a Creeper. I actually managed to do it without adding the exploding effects, but you ruined it with the soda!" she explained, slowly tipping the cauldron into the sink. 

"Well, I did make a Creeper suit once. Explosives and all. I should make another one..." Ryan muttered to himself. 

Omega couldn't seem to get the ropes off and Joe was getting antsy. When a ninja monkey stays still for a long time, they get pretty impatient. Joe started kicking his feet and making monkey noises. He kicked so hard, that he kicked Azriella to a point where she lost control of the cauldron. It was floating in the air, but then it landed on the sink and the messed up potion splashed on poor Ryan, who was thinking about a Creeper Suit 2.0.

"Oh, my God!" Azriella covered her mouth as smoke filled the room. The loss of control over her magic made Joe's ropes become undone and then accidentally kick Omega on the knees.

"Ow! Dude!" Omega exclaimed, rubbing his sore spot.

"Sorry. My legs can't control themselves. We gotta get to Ryan, though. I think he turned into a Creeper!" Joe joined us in flagging away the smoke and also coughing because of it. 

"Ryan! Ryan, where are you?!" I yelled. 

~Moo!~

Moo? The hell was that about? 

When the smoke finally cleared, Azriella screamed in shock. 

"There's a cow in my room!" She pointed at a white and black spotted cow, with a small cracked crown on its head.

I gasped. "That's no ordinary cow...That's Ryan! That potion turned him into Edgar!"

\-------------------------

"What the hell? You've turned Ryan into a cow!" Joe scolded. Azriella slowly turned to him, her eyes aflame. She held out her hand and her enchanted blade appeared, power charged and ready to strike. She gripped it by the handle and pointed it at him. 

"ME?! You did this! You and your ninja monkey antics! You're going to pay!"

I jump between them. "Hold on! This isn't going to solve anything. We have to change Ryan back to normal and fast!" 

Azriella stepped back slowly and her weapon vanished. "Okay, okay. You are right. We need to fix this. Now, where is Ryan?"

"Oh, he's right-" Omega looked at the door and no Ryan! Where did the Mad Cow King go?! "This isn't good. We have a runaway cow in the MadHouse." 

"Damn it! We gotta find him." I exclaim. 

Azriella went to her bookcase and started flinging out book after book with her magic. I think one of them hit me in the face at some point. "You guys go find him. I'll try to find something in here that can change him back. Hurry! You know how some Vagabonds get when they see an Edgar running loose." 

My eyes widened. I could think of 2 people in this house that would do all the horrible things to a runaway cow. "Yeah. We have to get Ryan back over here. Come on, guys!" We run out of Azriella's room and left her to her studies. I hope she finds a solution and I bet she hopes we find Ryan the Cow Guy! 

\----------------------

The first place I thought to look was in the garden, so I ran there. 

"Ryan! Ryan, where are you?? Ryan?! Moo if you can hear me!" 

No answer. 

I did hear some giggling, though. Someone else was here! Maybe they have Ryan in a safe place and are keeping him protected from the MadHouse chaos. 

...or Cheryl, Jo and Fallz are having a tea party outside, with Ryan in a dress and having a plastic tiara on his head instead of the crown. That's also a possibility. 

"Guys? What the hell is this?" I ask, slowly walking towards Ryan. I didn't want to spook him more than he already was. Poor guy. 

"We found this cow and we're having a nice tea party with him. The Caretaker Flora provides the best shade!" Cheryl points to the giant flower that's providing shade for the tea party. At least Ryan is keeping cool. 

"Guys, you don't get it-"

"This poor, little cow must be lost! And hungry. But, not to worry. We have all the best things here for him." Fallz gestured to a table filled with all sorts of cakes, cookies, and a tea set with the cracked crown logo on it.

I facepalm. "Those aren't good things for a cow to eat. And anyway, this isn't a regular cow! This is-" 

"You know, come to think of it, this crown on the tea set looks familiar to the one we took off our friend here." Jo noted, looking back and forth between the two. 

~Moo!~

"Hmm?" Cheryl pushed Ryan away from the cooler they put beside the table. "Stop it! Stop it. That's not for you!" 

"The heck you have a cooler out here for? You're having tea!" I open the cooler and see about 10 Diet Coke cans in here. 

~MOO!! MOOOOOO!!~

Ryan went nuts and tackled the cooler over, also knocking the tea party table over in the progress. All the yummy food and drink were on the floor. Luckily, none of the food landed in the grass, but Cheryl and the others made sure to clean it all up. I could've sworn I saw the Caretaker Flora twitch when that spill happened. 

Of course Ryan helped by eating some of the treats off the floor and licking some of the spilled Diet Coke. A meal fit for a king- er, cow. Cow King. Yeah, that. 

"Gee, that cow really likes to eat, huh? And loves Diet Coke!" Jo observed. 

Now, to watch them add 2 and 2 together...

"Wait. A cow that has this-" Fallz held up the mini crown. "And loves Diet Coke and sweets?? Oh, my God. I think we've found Edgar. He's clearly turning into his master."

"Quick! Take him back to the hole!" Cheryl shouted as she tried to lead him away with some wheat. I slapped it out of her hands.

"No! Are you crazy?? Guys! This is Ryan! This is the Mad King himself. Some magic went to shit, and now he's a cow. I don't know how you found him, but I don't think he likes wearing that pink polka dotted dress you put him in." I point at the dress he was wearing. 

"Oh, nonsense! Mr Milky Moo likes it!" Jo smiled. 

"What makes you th-? I'm sorry. Mr Milky....Moo? You named Ryan...Mr. Milky Moo?" I face palmed again and shook my head. Only in the MadHouse, folks. 

"Hey! We didn't know it was Ryan at the time, so we had to give him a name!" Cheryl shrugged. 

"I mean, Edgar works." Joe suddenly jumped into the party with his camera. "Ryan the Cow in a dress?! Ha ha haha!!! Oh, this is Twitter gold! He'll get verified in no time with this beauty. Smile, Mr. Milky Moo!" He laughed and took about 10 pics before Cheryl chased him back into the house. 

"And that is why things quickly went to hell. Thanks for keeping him occupied, I guess. But, I have to take him back to Azriella so she can undo this potion. See you later, guys!" I said, tearing the dress and tiara off of Ryan. I owed someone a new dress, and I'm okay with it. I took the wheat that Cheryl was using and started walking back inside the MadHouse. My God, this is insane! Is Azriella ready yet?!

\--------------------------------- 

As soon as I led Ryan back into the house, a giant net landed over us. 

"Gah! What the hell is this?!" I exclaim. "And who has a net this big??" 

Jess and King came out of hiding from under the kitchen table. 

"So, the rumors are true. Edgar has been freed again. And this must be his accomplice." Jess smirked. 

"What?! I didn't free Edgar! Everyone knows that you don't free Edgar! You keep him in the hole where he belongs. But, that's beside the point. The point is-"

"Tabby, why are you in a net?" Omega walked up to the madness, holding a half eaten sandwich. 

"Get me out of here! These two have lost their minds again! And why are you eating? And where is Joe?!"

Omega shook his head and smirked. "So many questions today, Tabitha. If you want to know, I got hungry, so I made myself a snack. And, uh...I don't know where Joe is. I tossed a bunch of bananas his way and I haven't seen him since. But, not to worry. I'm sure he's fine and not causing any trouble." 

"Omega, wanna help us get Edgar here back in the hole? We could always use the extra help. And we can make sure he never escapes again." King finished with a grin. 

"Nah. I have a Ninja Monkey to find. Probably dropped the banana peels all over the floor. Don't you worry, though! I am the best at avoiding banana- WHOA!" He started walking out the kitchen and fell. Surprise, surprise, he slipped on a banana peel. "I'm okay! I'm okay! No need to worry about me, folks." Omega announced as he rubbed his back and slowly made his way up the stairs.

"Damn it, you two! Get me out of here!"

"Mmm...nah. You might try to get Edgar as far away from the MadHouse as possible. And we can't have that. Edgar must go back to his home where he belongs. And no one is going to get in the way. Sorry, Tabby." Jess shrugged, but you can tell she was having fun with including me in this mess. But, I had other things to worry about.

"Would you listen?! This is not Edgar!" I pet Ryan and he moos happily. "This is what happens when you screw with magic. Guys, this is Ryan. Not every cow has blue eyes, you know. Look at him!" I explain. Jess takes a closer look and gasps. 

"My God, she's right! That's Ryan! Look! He's wearing the crown, King!"

"What did you guys do?" King asked bluntly. Slowly lifting the net off of us, King waited for an answer. I sighed and rolled my eyes. I had to explain this again!

"Magic + Ninja Monkey chaos = Crazy Cow Ryan. There. You've passed MadHouse Math 101. Come on, Ryan, Let's get you upstairs." I pulled out the wheat and he started following me to the Vagabond floor. I would've used a Diet Coke can, but I didn't feel like being tackled by a cow today.

\----------------------------------

After much mooing and pushing up the stairs, Ryan and I finally made it to the Vagabond floor. Seeing the other Vagabonds react to this was pretty funny. Bailey gave Ryan all the hugs, Layne thought the little crown made Ryan super cute and Laura made a quick sketch of Ryan as a cow that she'd give to him later. Needless to say, it was a big hit. But, we all missed our crazy Mad King walking around, so it was time to change him back. 

Azriella sighed with relief when she saw Ryan and I walk in her room. But, we didn't get far. The books were still all over the floor, and more were piled up. 

"Oh, I'm so glad Ryan is okay! He wasn't any trouble, was he?" she asked me. 

I chuckled nervously and scratched behind my head. "Nope. Of course not! He was a complete angel!" 

"Good. I think I've found the right spell to change him back. It took a lot of searching, but I've found it. We'll get Ryan back in no time at all." 

"That's great news! I knew I could count on you! All right. I'm just gonna back out of the way here and let you do the magic stuff." I pushed Ryan to the center of the room and moved back to the door. I did not want to get in the way of the magic. I wouldn't fare well as a cow. At all. 

Azriella cleared her throat and made a whooshing motion with her arms towards the empty bookshelf. All the books rose from the floor and instantly went back to their places, making her bedroom floor clean again. "That's one problem solved. Now, the big one..." She opened the book she bookmarked with a red piece of paper and started muttering the spell over and over so she'd say it 100% right to Ryan. 

~~Moo! Mooooo!!~~

Ryan saw a Diet Coke can on Azriella's table and started moving towards it.

"Oh, no. Uh, Azi? You might want to hurry with that spell. Ryan might be a cow, but he still loves Diet Coke!" I say, praying that her room doesn't become a mess in about 10 seconds. 

Azriella took a deep breath and concentrated. Her eyes glowing a light blue to match that of the mad bovine. She started the incantation and Ryan started to glow, stuck in place. This was it! He was gonna change back into a human! No more Edgar!

"Heeeeeyyyyy, Azi!! Did ya do it? Did ya do it? Huh, huh, huh? Did ya do it?" Until Joe hung down from the ceiling in her room and she let out a scream when the spell didn't call for it yet. But, Ryan disappeared. 

*POOF!*

"JOE!! God damn it! Ryan is gone now!" Azriella exclaimed as Joe jumped down from the ceiling and laughed. 

"Hey! He vanished! That's a good thing. I bet he's human again in his room. Relax! You worry too much!" Joe said, trying to lighten the mood. 

We had no idea where Ryan was. And then, we heard it. 

"Awww! How sweet! I got an Edgar as a Welcome Home present! Thanks, guys!" 

My eyes widened. That was Lotti. I rushed over to her room and saw her standing by her door, with Omega helping with her suitcases.

"Welcome back, Lotti!" I give her a hug. "What do you mean, you have an Edgar now?" 

"Tabby! Look! It's what I've always wanted!" Lotti moved out of the way and in the middle of her room, was a small glass floor. And under the glass, was Edg- er, Ryan. He was still a cow, but trapped in a hole. 

Ryan was now Edgar. 

No way in, no way out. 

Azriella ran to us with her spell book in hand. "Okay, okay. So, Joe screwing me up made that an actual spell. The Edgar Illusion will wear off in 1 hour. That means Ryan is trapped in there for one hour and then that hole will disappear, and he'll be a human again." 

So, Lotti has Ryan Haywood, the Mad King of the MadHouse, trapped in her floor for one whole hour?

Welp. He won't have to worry about tea parties and giant nets because this was going to be worse. 

_Moo, motherfuckers. Moo._


End file.
